Family Strategies During Coronavirus
In my province, school is cancelled for the next 3 weeks. Many workplaces are encouraging a modified schedule or work from home. Meetings and events are cancelled. These are important measures to reduce the transmission of Coronavirus and incidences of the severe respiratory disease COVID-19, and to avoid overwhelming our medical resources.
For the families I work with, figuring out how to deal with this new reality has been a major topic of conversation. Parents want to strike the balance between encouraging good hygiene practices and preventing obsessions for their kids. They want to balance their work and family demands effectively. They want to enjoy the extra time to connect with their family, but also maintain their mental health.
Overall, families want to feel that they are thriving and not simply surviving. Kids are connected to parents and they will pick up on parental insecurities. Finding ways to feel equipped to manage and create flow, will help to set the tone for the home over the next few weeks. This will help to reduce the anxiety kids are feeling. Taking time to choose some strategies to adopt now, could help reduce everyone’s stress throughout the next few weeks.
The following suggestions are some ideas of ways to manage the logistics of radically changed schedules:
in two parent households look at what family & work responsibilities are required at this time. Even if both parents are able to work from home or have a modified schedule, take time to figure out who will be responsible for what and when. Don’t forget to schedule time when each parent can take personal time regularly— protected time to do essential work uninterrupted, complete household management, participate in digital socializing, workout, etc
connect with another family in your social network that is following similar social distancing protocol as yours (this is even more important for single parents!!) and limit social engagement to time with them. (Unless this too becomes ill advised by public health.) Share the burden of childcare and shopping runs between your two families & commit to maintaining social distancing practices with which you are both comfortable. Make some plans for regular board game dates and walks in the woods together. This still limits social exposure and may allow more regular schedules for the immediate future. However, if this is something that you find too risky- don’t do it!
create a flexible daily routine that allows the kids some predictability, which is reassuring, especially for anxious kiddos. Post it on the fridge or in the hallway. Include variety.
Indoor Movement Activities: family yoga (ie: Cosmic Kids Yoga), Twister, the floor is lava, balloon volleyball, dance parties.
Outside Breaks: (in both the morning & afternoon) photo scavenger hunt, observing birds, insects, and plants and creating a “field journal,” wandering walks to explore the neighbourhood, begin a family garden planter, riding bikes & scooters (do avoid public park playground equipment as is recommended by public health), blowing bubbles, playing soccer or catch.
Quiet solo activities: writing & journaling, reading, puzzles, drawing, blocks.
Other concerns are how to keep kids engaged and learning throughout the time away from formal schooling. I’ve also talked to parents who typically homeschool and they wish they could share some of their own strategies with folks feeling overwhelmed right now. Key ideas they’ve shared:
Use worksheets and online resources, if that eases your anxiety. There are many well-designed options. Just don’t expect your kids to complete sheet after sheet for 6 hours each day. For the most part, homeschooling families integrate learning into daily life and use worksheets sparingly, though they can be helpful.
Many homeschooling families use “topic based learning.” This idea intrigued me and I feel is a good fit for us. Our family is going to focus on studying Spring— we are going to create a scrapbook as we learn together about weather changes, plan a Spring Welcome Party (for us & our kids), reading books about plants and animals. We’re going explore math & science through cooking & baking and planting a garden. Fundamental for us will be taking lots of pictures and journaling about our observations of the world around us as the seasons change. This doesn’t have to be geared to different grade levels as each child will dig into learning based on their interests and abilities.
There are some cool online options for activities and learning. For example, Level Up Kids in Guelph is offering a Virtual STEAM camp! It sounds like so much fun! Check out what is available and offered by local businesses in your city. I’ve also heard great things about Outschool, which is an online business specializing in kids courses.
create an idea board where kids & parents can make suggestions for ways to spend time or questions to investigate together. This is an opportunity to teach kids a new skill or hobby like knitting or cursive writing, and also allow them to pursue learning about topics that are interesting to them.
in our family we have added some new books, craft supplies, board games & puzzles. We are planning to hold off introducing these until current supplies are used up (crafts) or favourites have become a bit boring. If its not in the budget to get new things, consider stashing some current supplies away and rotating what’s available through various weeks in order to have some variety.
Some of the families that I work with are confident that they will manage the schedule and keep the kids engaged in learning, however they are more worried about family dynamics. These families are often on-the-go and the idea of being cooped up together for an extended period is daunting. They worry about sibling fighting and about managing their own stress. Many families may experience moments of high tension over the next few weeks, this is to be expected and is not a sign of dysfunction. Every family can probably integrate more moments of intentional connection to counteract the stress. Some ways to do this:
allow everyone to call their own 2 minute breather— kids & parents. It is like a pause button. During your personal time you get to self regulate- whatever that means for you. Then circle back & explain what would be helpful, offer empathy/validation, continue to set limits & maintain them, and continue with the task at hand.
Create a Calming Corner where there are emotional literacy materials and sensory toys. Machine Washable pillows and a blanket, a couple of fidget toys, puzzle ball, Glitter Jar, identifying emotions poster (Make your own or check out Generation Mindful).
Work together to find effective consequences for misbehaviour. Introduce this like a new sport or game- every game has rules and consequences- if your kid is super into hockey, use that language. Proper gameplay, mom and dad are the ref, what are the “penalties” and where is the penalty box? How you do this in your family is going to depend on your family culture. The most important thing is to sit down, review together, and create understandable rules & consequences that are consistently enforceable. Make sure everyone is on the same page.
Along with planning, there are some things you may need to let go of for the time being. Your house may be messier than usual with everyone trying to stay entertained. Screen time may be more abundant than during your regular routine. Everyone may want to sleep in regularly. Everyone may need a day “off” from the routine to just chill out and relax. Leave space for grace with yourself and each other.
Use Mindfulness as a family to help everyone notice and respond in a more caring way to difficulties. There are some great apps for learning about this evidence-based practice including Headspace, Calm, iMindfulness, Insight Timer, and Ten Percent Happier which even offers a Coronavirus Sanity Guide for free.
Create a Family Gratitude Ritual. For some this could be a journal where everyone can write “love notes” to each other throughout the day. It could be a practice that happens during a family meal, or during another connection moment like before bed.
Finally, some kids are listening in during news broadcasts and to adult conversations. They have never experienced a stressful major world event and don’t have the same skills to evaluate information trustworthiness, understand media response, or balance the urgent messages with considerate responses. Altogether this is contributing to kids feeling incredibly anxious. Helping your kids to manage is really important.
Limit and monitor screen time and follow a family schedule that is nourishing.
Focus on the activities that are known to be most helpful: social distancing and washing hands, without dashing around the house constantly sanitizing everything.
Keep current without becoming oversaturated in news. In our family this means we are not watching tv news or following multiple news outlets online, instead we are sticking with official government announcements and a few trusted news outlets to stay current each day.
Watch your words- especially around your kids. What maybe said as a sarcastic remark amongst adults could be misinterpreted by children and lead to heightened anxiety.
Remember to keep adapting as recommendations are modified based on up-to-date information. What may be okay today may not be advisable next week, and that’s okay.
Ultimately if you are feeling overwhelmed, connect with supports for you or your kids. Mental Health is Health. Many mental health professionals I know are continuing to work with clients through this time. I will be continuing to offer client sessions and will offer both phone & e-counselling. Connect with a counsellor or therapist near you!
This is not an exhaustive list! Their are many ways to tackle this as a family and get through this time successfully. Do what works for your family! My hope is that this can be one more resource for families.