Planning for the holidays with your family

Last post I discussed strategies to support the solo folks living in our communities. I do believe that this year is going to be most challenging for them. However, I also know that for myself as a Mom, there are a lot of things that look different from other holiday seasons for my family. For us, this marks the end of a disappointing year, one that held many hopes as we began 2020. We had planned family vacations (I had t-shirts made for last Christmas that said “Year of Disney!”) and they represented my recovery from my last bout of serious and life threatening illness. They were to be a celebration of survival and of family.

And we cancelled each and every one of the vacations and family gatherings. But we still found ways to celebrate life and love. As a family we have leaned into our creative parts.

So this year as we decorate the house with our Mickey Mouse lights and Disney decorations, I am wistful. We are realistic that this is still not the “Year of Disney.” Instead it will be the year of epic pillow forts, baking, crafting, family games, and puzzles. We are planning to make our very own gingerbread house— gluten free and dairy free— for the first time. We are figuring out new ways to connect virtually with our family and friends using online games. We are making our own garlands, glittery snowflakes, and christmas cards for friends. Planning winter walks in the woods to see the snow shimmering on the tress. And evening drives with hot chocolate to witness the numerous light displays.

Each of these moments are magical in their own way.

By tuning into the moment and each other with full attention it helps us to find joy and practice gratitude. We are also taking time as a family to name our grief and sadness and to share how we are missing our loved ones who we can't hug this year. By using emotion labeling we are building our children’s (and our own) emotional vocabulary and also our resilience toolkit. We see that our job isn’t always to make our kids feel better- but to be with them when they’re feeling crummy, help them make sense of it, to share hope and to practice gratitude together.

Emotion coaching is a helpful strategy to build emotion vocabulary and to validate experiences:

We also want to encourage our kids to keep perspective. Allowing for disappointment and also making space to learn about other’s suffering and how to respond to it with respect & empathy. By learning about a need in the local or broader global community and then working as a family to meet a real need, our kids learn how they can create a change and be of service. These ways of holding and sharing hope can counterbalance feelings of helplessness and hopelessness individually and also as a community. Something like gathering donations for the food bank that is within our own time and financial budget, shows our kids that they can contribute to helping others at this time of year— even when they are experiencing their own struggles. Then if you do it again each year or each season, it can become a new family tradition.

So tips for your family this holiday season:

1- Build emotional literacy by naming and validating emotions— both the kids and your own.

2- Build empathy and resilience by turning towards others who are suffering and responding with kindness by finding ways to get involved or give.

3- Build new traditions as a family: times to connect, get creative, and practice gratitude.

Happy Holidays!