Planning for the holiday season as a solo person
I work with some clients who are facing a holiday season unlike any we have experienced before. For some folks- they live alone- and during the increased vigilance we are encouraged to practice right now, it is challenging to maintain connection with family, friends and community. Many social activities that typically mark the calendar for December are cancelled or vastly different. Many experiences may still be enjoyable even if they are different, but the biggest change will be the decrease in opportunities for social connection, especially for those that live alone.
With this in mind, I started to think about how I would want to spend my time if I were living independently. For me this was definitely an exercise in imagination, because my days home for the holidays will be filled with noise, hustle, and bustle- even if we don’t see anyone outside our 4 person family during that time! Don’t get me wrong- I’ll be in my element and appreciate this moment in my life. But solitude is not where it’s at for me during this season.
For those of you who will be painfully alone this year, I am challenging you to use your imagination to see this time as an opportunity. Take a few days to embrace the solitude. To do some personal reflection. To write, read, craft or create. Do things for yourself, with yourself. Then schedule times to connect virtually or at a safe distance with others in person if possible. Potentially schedule your solitude activities interspersed with opportunities for in-person and virtual connection. Don’t underestimate the power of bundling up to get outside for a walk, a coffee, or some takeout to shift your perspective just enough when you are feeling low.
There are a few places offering Online Virtual Retreats- for learning new skills- like mindfulness or diving into hobbies like writing or art. I also have discovered this really cool create-your-own home mindfulness retreat guide offered by Tara Brach- a leading mindfulness meditation teacher and psychologist- https://www.tarabrach.com/create-home-retreat/
Don’t underestimate the power of a change of scenery. Though there are risks with travelling, at this time, going to an all-season cottage for a solo getaway could be a great option for those facing the holidays alone. If you mitigate your exposure to others by bringing all of your own food from home and otherwise doing low/no contact pickups it can be a safer option. Going away might allow you to embrace the solitude of this year and finally write the next great novel, create a new side hustle, or paint a masterpiece. Or get amazingly lost in a book while sitting by a cozy fire. Rather than feel cooped up at home.
For those of you who believe that preventing Covid needs to be 100% the goal for everyone right now in order to avoid unnecessary deaths, I agree, and I also challenge you to look at the suicide and overdose statistics for this year compared to last. Social Isolation is an enormous threat to life when it is not considered. Therefore all of our attempts to manage Covid must also take into account all of the needs people experience. If you live with even one other person, your isolation risk is not the same as those who live alone.
If you are single and able to self-isolate prior to the holidays so that you can join up with another household, consider if that is worth the effort for you, and is realistic. Also take into account if you or any of them or their necessary contacts have extenuating health issues. Take time to weigh the pros and cons of taking this step. If you are able to create your own two-single-people bubble, that is recommended as the safest way to avoid loneliness & Covid this holiday season.
Some other ways of connecting more safely include:
“cop coffee” whereby you get a drive-thru coffee and then visit with each while staying in each of your separate cars.
online games and experiences with IRL or Virtual friends/family
bundle up to enjoy the outdoors at a safe distance while walking or hiking (potentially skiing, snowshoeing or skating if the conditions are right). Something I’ve noticed: wearing a non-medical triple layer face mask is even better than a scarf!!!
if you or your friend/family have one, convert your garage into a physically distanced open-air visiting space: take the cars out, use your patio furniture for seating, keep the door open, and use tape to measure out the distance. Then carefully visit with those who live near by while protected from wind, rain, or snow. Masks are still a great idea!
Even though this year is different and difficult there are some things that can bring joy and connection. When the holidays feel too overwhelming, please reach out. There are services available:
CMHA WW Website: www.cmhaww.ca and: www.here4help.ca
Here 24/7 at 1-844-HERE-247 or www.here247.ca.
Post-secondary students, Good2Talk https://good2talk.ca/
Kids & Youth: https://kidshelpphone.ca/
Crisis Services Canada: https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/
Connecting to Supports across Canada: https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html