Back-to-school... getting kids talking about it

This week the school board in our area shared the results of the back-to-school parent survey and 90% of respondents plan to return to in-person school. They also shared details regarding precautions in the classroom, for the 90% of us getting ready to send our kids back. For me I was relieved that as parents we have more information so that we can help our kids get ready (for those of us who are sending kids back to learning in schools.) In our school board they are requiring face masks for everyone. And I am pleased that will be an expectation, even though part of me is concerned about how kids are going to adapt, what it will be like for teachers to enforce, and how it really will look in the classroom. And I’m certain that there are folks who disagree with me on this and maybe for some good reasons. For sure, I don’t think it will be easy for anyone. And yet I believe that this is a helpful thing, and that even though it will be difficult- we can figure it out together.

As parents, counsellors and educators I truly believe that this is the message that we need to tell ourselves and send to our kids each and every day as we move through the back to school transition. We don’t need to minimize it (“masks are no big deal” — try having a sensory issue- they are a big deal…) and we also don’t need to create more drama for our kids by catastrophizing the situation (“my kid CAN’T learn in a mask,” etc). It means we practice compassion with ourselves and each other as we figure out how to wear them through our day-to-day. And are gracious when we encounter folks who actually CAN’T wear them for physical and mental health reasons, and we teach this to our children.

There are memes circulating on social media with advice about helping kids adjust to wearing masks, everything from screen time is mask time to special accessories to improve comfort. These are all great. Do what you need to do to help kids get used to it the best you can over the next few weeks. There are so many great resources to help families.

Generally the things that help kids do new things: 1) see other kids 2) practice & routine 3) making it comfortable. Keep these three things in mind as you help your kids adapt to the physical sensation of the mask, learn how to put it on and take it off safely, and avoid touching it.  Similarly we  can help the teachers out by taking some time to instruct (again) and practice (more) healthy hand washing.

The other part of the mask situation that is going to be important will be helping our kids verbally communicate MORE. Facial expressions are going to be hard to see (from teachers and students.) I believe that each of us send and pick up on a lot more visual cues than we realize in our day-to-day. In order to fill in the gaps while we’re wearing masks, we are going to need to improve our descriptive language. (Sidenote- I feel like this is a bad season for botox because we all need our eyebrows more than ever right now!)

One way to start is by narrating some experiences including sensations and emotions- “I notice _____ and I feel ______.” You can also help by using “I wonder” statements. For example: “When I have to try a new thing, I feel a bit scared. Sometimes I don’t want to do it. I wonder if you are feeling that way about going to school this year since some things are going to be new and different?” Narrating moments and using I wonder statements can also be about minor happenings, in order to increase each other’s understanding. Helping our kids to have the language to describe and share their experiences in WORDS is going to be essential. We can all help our kids by teaching them how and when to say what they feel and need. We also need to teach our children how to stop and listen to each other. 

Because visual cues regarding who is going to speak next or wants to speak will be lacking- we also need to help our children listen effectively. We can do this by taking time, making space, and practicing patience for verbal communication. Some kids innately know how to speak up and get their needs met, like my kids- so my job this season is to help them learn to take turns and create space for other quieter children. Some kids find it easy to hear the loud voices around them, but will forget to check in with the quiet people. Remembering that some of their friends need more time and quiet to feel comfortable expressing themselves will be part of the turn taking we talk about in our family. We can also teach our kids how to check in with each other by sharing verbal prompts and help them practice turn taking. We can ensure that each person gets a chance to talk by using fun games at the dinner table or the car ride to school, like “two truths and a lie” to talk about our day. Or “highlights and lowlights.” We can show them reflective listening practices such as, “I heard that you had a hard time at recess because everyone wanted to run but you don’t like running games. Was there more you wanted to tell me about that?” We can encourage them to let siblings and friends finish their thoughts before jumping in with their own experiences. We can do this gently and respectfully and we can explain how this is something we can do to support each other right now.

Kids need to have the confidence to state their experience. With masks, this is no small point. To be heard, children will have to use their clearest voice. As parents, counsellors and educators our primary role is to hear and validate what children say, and when necessary, amplify their voice. For those quiet and shy kids, this is probably more important than helping them get used to the feeling of the masks on their face. Helping them to speak loudly and assertively is as important as getting them to wear the mask properly. For all children they want to know that they can come to their adults with their struggles and be heard. It is our job, not to remove obstacles or make everything easy for them, but to hear them and let them know they aren’t alone in the struggle- whatever it might be- then when requested by them, to help them figure out the next step and support them in doing it.

So yes, parents, please help your kids get ready to wear masks at school. Definitely help them get comfortable with the masks on their face and learn how to put them on and take them off. However, at this moment our most important job is to encourage our kids to talk & listen thoughtfully. Many folks are looking at the masks as a terrible burden for our kiddos… but what if it helps them to state their experiences in confident voices, develop sophisticated emotional literacy, and create safe physical and emotional boundaries? Because we’re humans: creative meaning-making social beings; and we’re resilient like that.