the school daze
Or About back to school during a pandemic…
Ontario announced their back-to-school plan last week. In the flurry since the announcement I have heard many parents scrambling to figure out what is best for their family. I’ve listened to families second guess their own decision after hearing from close friends or family members. Some families describe being frustrated that other’s are making choices that seem “dangerous”. Some are frustrated that the government is not following medical recommendations more closely in order to implement this plan as safely as possible because many families must send their kids back. Some are cautiously optimistic and feel that the benefits of returning to school outweigh the risks for their family. There are a few different factors making this decision even more difficult. There’s a lack of data. There’s a compressed time frame. And it’s high stakes. People are understandably overwhelmed. This is not the typical back-to-school anxiety. This is new. This is hard. For some families it feels impossible.
At this moment, I personally know families who are planning on: a) returning to school, b) proceeding with online school, c) transferring to private school with smaller classes that are following medical recommendations closely, d) homeschooling, e) pod-schooling with a tutor, f) unschooling (or opting out of kindergarten). As a family therapist, with experience working with many families and education in child development, I strongly support ALL of the ABOVE. They can all work. They can all be good choices. And just because it can be a good choice for one family, doesn’t mean it is a good choice for another family. Most importantly, not every family has all of the same options available to them.
For those families that have the luxury of choices at this time, there is no perfect answer. Each family will have to ask and answer important questions. The decision makers in the family can take time to discuss their concerns, the emotions and sensations they are experiencing, and the reasonable options given specific family demands together. In this moment, showing up for yourself and each other is key. Think about the options you have and how they align with your values and priorities. List out the benefits (just the benefits) of each option. Listen with open-minded curiosity and compassion. Depending on your child, discuss the options with them and take their preferences into account. If you want or need medical advice that is specific to your child or at-risk family member, consider making an appointment to discuss this with your doctor. If there is disagreement between parents about the best plan, consider talking to a family therapist to work it out together.
Finally, once you have come to the decision that works best at this moment for your family, take time to pause. You don’t have to share your plans with friends or family members. You get to choose who you share this with, when, and in what level of detail. You can state your plan and you don’t have to justify it or defend it to anyone. You can still keep an open mind, waiting for new data from reputable sources, without allowing the opinion of others to sway your confidence in what is going to work best during this time for your family. And being nervous about it all is completely normal and understandable. Being nervous is not the same as second-guessing. As family members and friends, when you share back-to-school plans with each other, support each other’s unique needs and choices at this time.
For families that must return to school- because some families must for a variety of reasons- figuring out how to do so as safely as possible will be really important, especially if anyone in the household is at higher risk. Talking to a doctor or a nurse from public health could be helpful. Practicing for the school year, like encouraging your child to become (more) comfortable wearing a mask and washing their hands effectively could be a place to start. My next post will be about family strategies to manage the increased stress for this return to school.